By Kevin M

Have you ever noticed that truly successful people have little trouble saying “no”? They may do it politely, but they do it and do it often. And they’re on to something.

“No” is a control word, a word that has real power. When we use it, we’re in control. When we don’t, we’re open to the control of others.

By saying “no”, we guard our time, our efforts and even our money. When we say “yes”, or even “maybe”, it can mean open season on all three. If you’re a “yes-junkie”—a person who feels compelled to say “yes” to nearly any request for help from nearly anyone—you might be your own worst enemy.

If we’re going to get anywhere in life we need to focus on what it is that we do best. Life is multi-faceted, but we all have two or three things that are especially important, and that’s where being able to say “no” is critical. It’s the little word that when spoken emphatically gives us the space we need to do what we do best.

Learning to say no—and meaning it—frees you up to move on to the next order of business, to that thing that moves you forward in your life. Is it any wonder that successful people master this concept?

Why we’re reluctant to say NO

What are some of the reasons we might find it hard to say “no”?

• We want to please others and saying “yes” usually accomplishes that
• Saying “yes” is easy; saying “no” often opens up a line of questioning
• We don’t like confrontation, and that happens a lot more when we say “no”
• When we’re really thinking “maybe” or “I’ll see”, we instead default to “yes”; after all, we never want to seem indecisive
• Saying “no” might indicate that we aren’t “team players”
• Like a candy bar, “yes” brings a short term high—“no” can bring on a guilt trip
• We learned to hate hearing “no” when we were small children and never outgrew it
• The word “no” has a negative connotation and we don’t want to be negative
• Saying “yes” has become a habit
• We think “I’m a nice person, and nice people say YES!”

It would appear that our reasons for not wanting to say “no” have more to do with psychology and emotion than with reason and logic. And that’s the main purpose for setting up a list that highlights the reasons. It might be easier to get control of our fear of saying no if we can get a handle on the reasons why we do.

The problems we cause by refusing to say NO

Not being able to say “no” has a way of complicating our lives. Not only will the infrequent use of the word take us away from our main goals, but it also has the potential to complicate life by drawing us into situations we have no business being in. Consider the problems we bring on ourselves because we don’t want to say “no”:

We can over-extend ourselves. How many obligations can you juggle in life? The more you say “yes”, the more obligations you take on. Each of us has time and energy for only so much activity, and if we get pulled in too many directions we can quickly become part of the problems in life, not the solutions.

We become distracted. Focus is an underappreciated concept. The more directions we’re pulled in, the less focus we have. The less focus we give to our most important endeavors, the less successful we’ll be.

We set ourselves up to be manipulated by others. If you’re a yes-junkie, then others will always have undo control over your time and efforts. Some people can never do anything on their own while others are perpetually needy. You can’t fix that and helping them will never improve their circumstances. The best thing you can do for them is to cut them off and let them learn to fend for themselves. (More likely, they’ll find other yes-junkies!)

We damage our self-esteem. What usually happens when we say yes to someone is that we give them our time or our efforts. If we say yes to most requests that come across our paths, then we can degrade our own time and effort. In most cases, we’re giving away our resources—time and effort—for free. If we’re virtually giving them away, then they effectively become worthless. When what we have to offer doesn’t have value, we can question our own worth.

We help everyone accomplish their goals, but never accomplish our own. This is the deepest root of the problem. While it may seem noble to help others, that effort can drain our ability to go where we’re heading. If you find that you’re always missing the mark on your goals, the answer may be in your inability to say “no” to enable yourself to concentrate on what it is you truly need to be doing.

The benefits of saying NO

When we learn to say “no”, we begin to free up our time and energy to concentrate on what’s really important.

Let go of the “chief cook and bottle washer syndrome.” Each of us can wear only so many hats in life and still be effective. When we say “no”, we’re getting rid of them, and that’s a good thing. No matter how talented you may be, you can’t do it all. It’s just a delusion, and once its gone life gets more productive.

Change the expectations of those around you. People have a way of coming back again and again to those who help them. Have you ever noticed that people will go to some for help while avoiding others completely? That has to do with expectations—and you want to be in the second group. While it might feel good to be needed, it isn’t terribly productive! If you stop trying to put out the fires in everyone’s lives, they’ll start respecting your time. We all need that.

Ability to concentrate. Each of us has only so much time and energy to live our lives, so it’s important that we spend it on activities that will have the greatest impact. Better to accomplish one or two goals completely than to hit a dozen halfway.

“Nothing can add more power to your life than concentrating all your energies on a limited set of targets”—Nido Qubein

Make sense?

More free time. Accomplishing our goals is important, but so is having time to enjoy life. The more we say “no”, the fewer obligations we have, and the more time we have for everything, including rest and relaxation. There’s a double benefit to this as well: the better rested we are, the more effective we can be at what ever we do. Think of it as an energy multiplier.

 
Sometimes it seems as if we wander through life in a fog. So much is coming at us so quickly that we feel overwhelmed. It’s not that we can’t handle what’s coming at us—we usually can—we just can’t handle so much at once. One of the best ways to get control of this is by using that tiny but powerful word “no”. It blocks the distractions, intrusions and manufactured obligations that can slow us down and drain the life out of us.

Try saying “no” more frequently and see if you don’t find yourself having more time, energy—and success.

Next Post: The Fallacy of Multi-tasking

By Kevin M

Money Reasons did a review on a book called How Rich People Think. I commented on the post, and it got me to thinking about some issues that may go deeper than rich versus non-rich. As much as we might want to think of rich and non-rich as a state of being, there are components to each that make them happen—a mechanical process perhaps.

Much of that seems to come down to how we think about money. Money is the conventional dividing line between rich and poor, but it seems that our attitude toward it—whether we see money as an obstacle or as an opportunity —seems to have a huge impact on where we go with it.

So how exactly do we define obstacle and opportunity mindsets as it relates to money? Rather than attempting a deep analysis, we might be better to focus on examples of each type of thinking. In this way, we can not only see our own thinking, but we might also see how it either holds us back or pushes us forward.

Money as an obstacle

If you see money as an obstacle, you’re likely to see common ground with several of the following:

• You’re mind is never far from your pile of bills
• A single large bill has you in a state of near paralysis
• You worry about potential upcoming bills
• You hope you can make it to the end of the month; next month, the same cycle will repeat as it has for years
• Your financial M.O. is centered on crisis management
• You’re scared to death that you’ll lose your job—and have no idea what you’ll do then
• You don’t particularly like your job, but you play the “go-along-to-get-along-(hopefully)-until-retirement” game
• You’ve stopped entertaining serious thoughts about what you’d actually like to do for a living
• Your house and car are important components of who you are
• You fixate on your employer paid benefit package
• A comfortable retirement is the holy grail of you financial plans
• You worry about how other people will perceive your financial situation
• You live for weekends and vacations
• You’re more concerned with keeping what you have than with advancing in your career and finances
• You mostly think that luck is the main reason other people are successful
• You periodically dabble in TV infomercial get-rich-quick schemes, hoping that you’ll discover your own lucky streak along the way
• Your dreams have morphed into wishes and outright fantasies

This list is long but please know that it isn’t an attempt to insult anyone. It’s easy to come up with so many examples because most of us are either in this mindset or were raised in it. You might even say that it’s the default financial mindset.

Look at the list in total, rather than at any one of its components. Notice that the thinking effectively puts you into a box. There are no doors, no windows, no way out—in other words, you’re stuck! Because you’re surrounded by fires that need to be put out, there’s never time, money or mental energy to move forward to a better life.

The money-as-an-obstacle mindset mostly repels money, which ironically keeps its absence as the central focus in your financial life.

Money as an opportunity

If you see money as an opportunity, you’re likely to see common ground with several of the following:

• Money is a resource to be channeled, leveraged and increased
• Money is a tool that buys the really important stuff, like free time, exciting adventures, interesting experiences, freedom from worry and choosing your own destiny
• Houses and cars are important, but not if they get in the way of the really important stuff
• Pursuing opportunity is the goal—there is no end game
• Problems are details that need to be solved
• You avoid having a big pile of bills, but if you ever find yourself with one and it’s interfering with your pursuit of the really important stuff, you’ll get rid of the bills and what ever amenities that are producing them
• Nothing is certain, but you’re willing to try anyway
• You see life as a dynamic, not as a status quo, and that dynamic plays into your life’s plans
• You see a day—any day—as an opportunity to do something important
• Retirement is not the goal—living a rich and fulfilling life is
• Building a box is for others; your life is “out there”…somewhere
• Investment losses don’t paralyze you; wealth building is a process and you’re in it for the long haul—you avoid high risk speculations for exactly this reason
• You must be self-employed—there are risks to this, but a traditional job will get in the way of the really important stuff in your life and could never contain your ambitions
• Being concerned with what others think of you or your finances gets in the way of the life you’re trying to lead, so you don’t bother yourself with it
• You associate mostly with like-minded people, who feed and strengthen your convictions
• Your like-minded friends are providing you with opportunities you would never have discovered or mastered on your own

Thinking of money as an opportunity doesn’t guarantee that you’ll be rich but it does seem to attract money and it’s easy to see why. Money is held up not as the solution, but rather as a tool, an enabler, that gets the opportunist what it is he truly seeks in life.

Ironically it’s also a freer way to live. The opportunist may decide, for example, that if a house in the suburbs with a big mortgage is an obstacle to his better life, then the house will have to go. Among the obstacle crowd, this would be a heresy.
 

Our minds work much the way the rest of our bodies do—repetition and regular exercise create new patterns and habits. Do you believe that coming to think of money as an opportunity is a state of mind worth creating?

Related Posts:

Pursuing Your Passion Isn’t As Risky As It Used To Be
Work/Life Balance: Lessons From the Sea
Steady Paycheck VS. Self-Employment; Which is Right For You?
Staying Motivated When You’re Stuck in Neutral
Are You Pursuing Your Own Goals – or Filling Quotas Set By Others?
Imagine Being Owned By No One

By Jacob Mojiwat

Being at sea for long periods of time can be isolating. You cannot access the Internet or reach your friends and family at a moments notice, but there is something wonderful about being out in a world that is just you, your crew, your boat, and the elements. I find that many of the principles I live by are ideas that I formed while I was out on these adventures, away from civilization.

Here are the main ideas that I’ve been contemplating lately, and find to be truly relevant in day-to-day life:

Sometimes you have to swim against the current if you want to get to where you are going

There are so many times in life when it feels as though everything is going wrong. They say bad luck comes in threes, but all too often it comes in a tidal wave, or at least a swiftly flowing current that feels as though it will wash us away. It is hard to swim against that current. It would be so much easier, and more peaceful, to drift along with it.

Maybe it would be easier to take a job that I don’t like rather than to keep struggling to make ends meet, while applying again and again for jobs that I truly want. Maybe it would be easier to stay in a relationship that my friends and family approve of, with a partner who is financially secure, rather than getting involved with someone I am passionate about who also happens to live a life on the margins of society, struggling to get by. Maybe it would be easier to easier to heat up a frozen pizza and spend the evening watching TV, rather than exercising and cooking a healthy meal afterwards.

The thing is, though, that if I drift with that current, it will wash me out to sea. Maybe I was hoping to explore a coral reef. Maybe I wanted to take some underwater photos. Maybe I just needed to get back to my boat. The current might be strong and really tugging on me, but at times, if I want to get to where I am going, I have to push back and find the strength in myself to swim against the current.

What always surprises me is that once I start swimming against the current, it is never as hard as I thought it would be. It isn’t a back-bending effort. Instead, it’s liberating and exhilarating to accomplish something that I set my mind, and body, to do.

At sea, it’s best to wear a life jacket

I don’t think I have to tell you why life jackets are important. They can save your life. We may think we don’t need a life jacket though, as I have gone boating many times with people who told me they were strong swimmers, the weather forecast was good, that the life jackets were too heavy, too bulky, too much of a nuisance. I just ignore them and tell them to wear the life jackets anyway. Why would I do that? I’m an independent thinker and I believe in swimming against the current. Why insist on a life jacket?

Because life happens, that’s why. You can’t really predict the weather. Even a strong swimmer can get hit on the head or faint or get sick. Likewise in life, at sea or on land, we all need an emergency plan. Especially if you, like myself, believe in swimming against the current. If you’ve done something that nobody in your support network of friends and family approves of, then you have to be ready to go it alone. And that means planning ahead and taking precautions. Don’t live beyond your means and always set aside a little money for emergencies.

Find a good friend or family member who you trust to be your emergency contact, in case you need help suddenly. Think ahead about the various ways in which life could take an unexpected turn and plan ways to cushion the impact when it does. I can’t predict the weather, but I can guarantee you one thing – life happens. And when it does, you’ll be better off if you’ve anticipated the unexpected.

The fishing is better after a storm

I love storms. The more thunder and lightning, the better. But there are times in life when we go through storms that are not exciting or fun. Storms that are more like hurricanes or tornadoes, that come through our life and wreck our plans for the future, leaving us marooned, stranded, or adrift.

I can’t tell you that there’s anything enjoyable about going through alife storm, whether it’s a physical and meteorological storm, or an emotional, financial, or occupational storm. But you know what they say about weather; if you don’t like it, be patient because it will always change. Once the storm is over, you can walk on the beach and pick up unusual seashells, or you can go fishing. If you can simply take time to relish the calm and be open to possibility, your intuition will guide you to something new and
wonderful.

There is something to be said for “no wake” zones

Nobody likes having to slow down. We all want to get to where we are going and in a hurry, in possible. This is particularly relevant to me as I am often running late. But in a no wake zone, we have to slow down – a lot. I guess this is what city people experience when they get stuck in rush hour traffic. It’s what athletes experience when they have an injury. It’s what parents experience when they have to stay home with sick kids and cannot go to work. Like it or not, you have to slow down.

If you have to slow down, whether you like it or not, then you might as well try to find peace with it. I’m not a Pollyanna or even an optimist, particularly. In fact, I can be as pessimistic as they come. But at sea you have to be practical and budget your resources. If you are in a situation where you are forced to slow down and take some time, then it makes sense to budget that time to rest and renew your spirit.

Later, when you are rushing forward and desperately trying to make up time, you won’t be able to rest. Rest, meditate, and take time to enjoy life when you can, or you will burn yourself out. Humans are not perpetual motion machines so we need to take time to do our own routine maintenance. Otherwise, you’ll blow a gasket later on when you don’t have time for it.

Even with a flashlight, you can only see so far ahead

My underwater camera has a flash that will allow me to take pictures even when it is very dark, but even with a flash, you can only see a certain well-defined area within the circle of light. Beyond that, there is nothing but inky blackness. In fact, using a flashlight to try to see better makes it easier to see the area right in front of you, but makes it harder to see into the distance.

Sometimes that is true in life as well. We all get lost or off track at times, even with GPS. Wise seamen know that even if you don’t know where you are, you are somewhere. Don’t panic – if a storm comes up, do what you have to and ride it out. Being prepared beforehand will keep you better off if you find yourself in the dark. Eventually you will find your way out again, so don’t be afraid.
 

I truly believe that living these principles of the sea in everday life, is the key to success. Slow down, be prepared, and when the unexpected happens, you’ll be ready for it.

Jacob Mojiwat is passionate about the ocean and water sports. Currently he is sharing the wonders of scuba diving in Malaysia with others. His company puts together Asia diving packages for an unparalleled diving experiences.

By Dave “Gonzo” Kelly

That is what Fortune (Charles S. Dutton) asks of Daniel “Rudy” Ruettiger near the end of the movie “Rudy”. This is after Rudy has been denied the opportunity to dress (be on the sideline in uniform) for the final game of his senior season at Notre Dame. Rudy was never good enough to be a member of the team, but he spent two years working harder than anyone as a member of the practice squad. At the end of his junior year, Notre Dame head coach Ara Parseghian promised to let Rudy dress for a game during his senior season due to his hard work and dedication.

But after Rudy’s junior season, Parseghian decided to retire.

The new coach, Dan Devine, did not know about this promise, nor did he intend to let Rudy dress for a game. Rudy went through the entire season checking the weekly dress schedule and never saw his name on it. After the schedule for the final game was posted and his name was not on it, Rudy decided to quit. He walked out of the locker room determined to miss his final practice.

Then he ran into Fortune, who had been a mentor to Rudy. And Fortune reminded him of who he was.

Rudy returned to practice. The seniors rallied to his side and convinced the coach to let him dress. He even got into the game for the final couple of plays. The movie ends with Rudy being carried off the field by his teammates. But it almost never happened!

What if he had not gone back to that practice? What if the example he had set had not resonated with his teammates? What if he had actually given up? Then he would never have known victory.

And he was only moments away from it.

I have to admit that even me, the master motivator, sometimes wonders if I am going to truly make it as a professional speaker. As an artist, if you go for even a short period of time without an engagement, you can get discouraged. You think you will never get booked again. But, you cannot think like that because victory is right around the corner!

Just as I was in a low point, I had a big victory the other day. My blog & video posted at CampusTalkBlog called “Building Leaders Through Community Service” that I referenced above had been viewed by over 250 people on the very first day!

But what if I had given up before writing that blog?

I believe the blog will result in some speaking engagements for me, however, the most important thing is that more students will become involved in community service because I am able to share my experiences and knowledge about servant leadership.

Press on! Don’t give up! Pursue your dreams!

Victory is right around the corner!

Do you need a great inspirational speaker for your next event? No matter what you call it, I am available for your next conference, convention, conclave, convocation, reunion, rally, workshop, ed session, orientation, meeting, before/during/after breakfast/lunch/dinner, gathering, commencement, groundbreaking, team building, staff development, leadership retreat, continuing education, ceremony, assembly, congress, council, confab, forum, roundtable, symposium, opening session, closing session, or any session in between. My career story is also a feature here at Professional Speaking—Turning a Hobby Into a Career. I am available for speaking engagements either through my website or by emailing Kevin at OutOfYourRut

By Dave Kelly

Are you worried about how things are going? Persevere and Persist

Having financial problems? Persevere and Persist

Lost your job? Persevere and Persist

Things seem a little out of control? Persevere and Persist

Are you to the point where you have no idea what to do? Persevere and Persist

You will come through this. You will overcome the challenges you face. You only have to do one thing: Persevere and Persist

We all came into this world the same way: no career, no portfolio, and a zero credit rating. We all leave this world the same way. How we spend the time in between is up to us. How you face challenges is up to you. Sadly, some people give up. They allow power, prestige, money, possessions, and things to define who they are. When those things are lost, they are lost. When you feel that way: Persevere and Persist

At this point, it is very tempting to share a story of how I persevered and persisted. Or one of a friend. Or of a famous person, such as Edison, Lincoln, or the creators of “Chicken Soup for the Soul”. But, I’m not going to do that. Instead, I want you to remember a time that you persevered and persisted in your past. Or perhaps recall something that a parent, family member, or friend shared with you of their experience.

Focus in on that experience. How did it happen? What steps were taken to overcome and win? Now think of whatever you are facing now: do you want it bad enough to do whatever it takes to win/succeed (within legal, moral, and ethical frameworks)? Then…

Persevere and Persist!

Dave Kelly is a professional speaker and host of the website Gonzospeaks.com, and a contributing writer here on OutOfYourRut.com. His career story is also a feature here at Professional Speaking—Turning a Hobby Into a Career. Dave is available for speaking engagements either through his website or by emailing Kevin at OutOfYourRut

By Dave Kelly

One of my guilty pleasures is watching the audition shows of the various performance shows like American Idol and Last Comic Standing. So, of course, I was in front of my TV last month to watch the American Idol audition shows.

Some very talented people who auditioned received the golden ticket to Hollywood.

Some really bad singers did not and they were legitimately surprised when they failed to make it to the next round! (Don’t you think some of them just had to know how bad they really were?)

Then there were those who weren’t so bad, but they didn’t get the golden ticket. These people might actually have a shot at a career in music but, for whatever reason, did not pass the judges’ muster.

It is the last group that fascinates me. Some of them were so upset. Some even begged the judges for another chance, because this competition was their only chance to make it. They knew they were meant to be in the music business and if only they could participate in the competition of American Idol, they could prove that they were worthy of such a career.

And if not chosen? I guess that in their minds, they believed that their opportunities were over. At least, that’s how it seems from the post-audition interviews.

Gee, so there is only ever one vehicle or opportunity in life for us to achieve our dreams?

And your life can be over at the age of 19.

Really?

Are you kidding me?

Well, I suppose if someone is willing to give up on their “dream” so easily, then maybe it isn’t meant to be.

But, if it is real, if it is in your heart, then you can make your own break. You don’t have to be the next Kelly Clarkson or Carrie Underwood. Maybe you are more like Taylor Swift, who is a huge country artist with pop-crossover appeal who has made it on talent and persistence.

I was over 40 when I made my big break to pursue a career as a professional speaker. But even my first year of being a full-time speaker was not great. I only had 10 speaking engagements and could have easily been discouraged. But, I persevered and pushed on and tripled that number the next year. Because of my persistence and determination, my career has grown every year since.

Am I famous? No. Have I been on Oprah? No. Has MTV called me to join the cast of Real World: Motivational Speakers? No.

Simply put, there is no single path to the achievement of your dreams. Find one that works for you. Even if you have to make your own.

There is, however, one attribute that is absolutely necessary: Belief.

Believe in yourself and you will do amazing things.

And if you believe in yourself…

…then I believe in you, too!

Dave Kelly is a professional speaker and host of the website Gonzospeaks.com, and a contributing writer here on OutOfYourRut.com. His career story is also a feature here at Professional Speaking—Turning a Hobby Into a Career. Dave is available for speaking engagements either through his website or by emailing Kevin at OutOfYourRut

By Dave Kelly

I got this month’s tip from a future speaking star! She is an energetic young lady who is one of the most positive people I know. She approaches life with fun and excitement and is great to be around.

When I asked her about this quote, she told me how important it is to know who you are and be that person.

Simple idea, huh?

Yet, how often do you act in ways that are different than who you really are? At work, school, even around friends, many times we put on personas that are not our “real person”, our inner self. We are told to grow up and relinquish things that give us joy. In the movie “Heathers”, the character played by Winona Ryder gave up playing with Barbie dolls with her best friend in order to join the “in” crowd, to become someone she wasn’t. After much mayhem, she found her true self and saved her friends from a horrible fate.

For years, I was a hot-shot mortgage broker with offices in several states. I was building a company in a business that I really did not enjoy. I played the part of business man for 10 of those years. I was successful, but not happy.

What I really wanted was to be on stage. I wanted to be in front of audiences. I wanted to help people change their lives in deep, meaningful ways.

So, I became who I was meant to be—a professional speaker. In mid-2004 I changed my focus from mortgages to speaking and my life has been so much better for it. I have an opportunity to “shine like a star” every day and especially each time I step on stage.

Oh, and that future speaking star with the super-positive attitude? Her name is Katie and she turns 7 on Thursday. If she understands this at her age, what is holding you back?

Time to shine!

Dave Kelly is a professional speaker and host of the website Gonzospeaks.com, and a contributing writer here on OutOfYourRut.com. His career story is also a feature here at Professional Speaking—Turning a Hobby Into a Career. Dave is available for speaking engagements either through his website or by emailing Kevin at OutOfYourRut

By Dave Kelly

Are you sleep-deprived from watching the Olympics? I know I am! Watching the best in the world compete in so many different sports and disciplines was incredibly inspiring.

I heard all kinds of stories throughout the Olympics about the routines the athletes went through in order to become the best in the world. Many were up at 5:00 am, working out before and after school or work. Their weekends were spent away from family and friends and many had special diets. Of course, it would be cool to consume 10,000 calories a day like swimmer Michael Phelps and still be in condition to win eight gold medals!

I would probably sink.

Most of us could not keep up the pace of an Olympic athlete. But there are things we can do to make our routine work for us in the pursuit of our dreams. Would getting up an hour earlier to exercise put you in a more success-oriented frame of mind? How about journaling your thoughts, ideas, and ambitions? Perhaps you could commit to reading an inspirational book each week.

The point is this: look at what it is you want to do and what it’s going to take to get you there.

Are there behaviors, habits, or distractions that you need to change? Or even get rid of?

Achieving your dream is your moment on the victory stand. Do what you need to do in order to become the champion you want to be.

Go for your own gold medal!

Dave Kelly is a professional speaker and host of the website Gonzospeaks.com, and a contributing writer here on OutOfYourRut.com. His career story is also a feature here at Professional Speaking—Turning a Hobby Into a Career. Dave is available for speaking engagements either through his website or by emailing Kevin at OutOfYourRut

By Dave Kelly

My six-year-old daughter loves to play a game we call “bears”. We get under the covers in the master bedroom and pretend that it is our cave. We hibernate. We hit the snooze alarm for spring (two more days). We fish in the salmon pond in the upstairs of our cave and we eat sheep burgers (no animals are harmed during this game). We dance around in pretend meadows of flowers and she goes to bear camp and I go to bear work. I think of funny things to say that will make a six-year-old laugh, like going shopping for the “bear necessities”, and we giggle and have a good time.

We usually play when she gets home from school, right before or after dinner, or whenever we can find five spare minutes. That used to be work time when I was in the mortgage business. In fact, all of the time used to be work time. My office has been in my basement since 2001 and my wife used to come downstairs at 9 or 10 at night and wonder when I was “coming home”. It seemed like I never relaxed. In reality, I was pretty stressed out most of the time.

The truth is I did not understand the value of silly. I gave in to stress and let it control my life, my work, and my relationships.

Thank goodness for my six-year-old daughter has taught me how to be silly again and what is truly important in my life.

I hope that there is someone in your life who reminds you how to be silly on occasion, because it sure is a whole lot more fun than being stressed out!

Dave Kelly is a professional speaker and host of the website Gonzospeaks.com, and a contributing writer here on OutOfYourRut.com. His career story is also a feature here at Professional Speaking—Turning a Hobby Into a Career. Dave is available for speaking engagements either through his website or by emailing Kevin at OutOfYourRut

By Dave Kelly

I was a server all through college and even for a couple of years after I graduated. I worked in fine dining environments, up-scale restaurants, and pubs, wearing anything from long-sleeved dress shirts with a tie to a polo shirt and khakis. Everywhere I worked, I wanted to be known as the best server. Not one of the best. THE best.

During my “serving career,” I worked with a lot of people who did just enough to get by. I never understood that. Those same co-workers could never understand why I consistently made more in tips than they did and why customers would request me as their server. I decided that if I was going to be working, I was going to get the most out of it by giving it my all. And the results paid off.

Those experiences helped shape me in my life, mortgage career, and now in my career as a professional speaker and author. In sports, the phrase is “leave nothing on the field.” The idea is this: you can’t save up anything because the game at hand must be won, and giving your best effort is the right kind of habit you need to create success.

When I became Circle K District Administrator for Georgia, I resolved to be the best district administrator in the history of Circle K International. Not that such a thing could ever be measured, but that idea motivated me to do my best. I had to set the example (and standard) for our students, advisors, and Kiwanis sponsors. If I ever let up, I knew it would be a disservice to those who were counting on me. When I finally retired from that position in March 2007, I could give no more. Nothing was left on the field.

These efforts paid off with amazing results: students fulfilled their potential, thousands of service hours were performed, more chapters were established than at any time in the district’s history, and advisor and Kiwanis sponsor involvement and support reached all-time highs. Not only that, but I was named as a distinguished district administrator for each of my nine years.

Do you take this same approach in all that you do? Each time I get before an audience, no matter how tired I may be from traveling or what kind of day I have had, I give my best. That may be the only time those in the audience will ever hear me present and I want it to be the best I can deliver.

It’s easier when it is something you love to do, but it is possible with everything that you do.

The results will show!

Dave Kelly is a professional speaker and host of the website Gonzospeaks.com, and a contributing writer here on OutOfYourRut.com. His career story is also a feature here at Professional Speaking—Turning a Hobby Into a Career. Dave is available for speaking engagements either through his website or by emailing Kevin at OutOfYourRut